Finally, a Mental Breakdown.

Over the past week or so, I’ve told myself that I just need to have a good cry. Ever had that feeling? It’s a nice release of emotion – which I’ve needed lately. I recommend one.

Without going into all the details about why I’ve been so emotional (mostly frustration), I will describe what finally pushed me over the edge. Naturally, it was what many will call the root of all evil: money. I made the mistake (probably not a mistake) of looking at my bank account a few weeks after paying my credit card bill while at work and saw a number much lower than what I thought I was going to see. Panic. The dollar amount I saw was enough to support myself, but where did all my money go?

I scoured the account and my credit card statement, in hopes that I had overlooked something or even had my identity stolen…anything to make that tiny dollar amount grow. Nope, that small amount was 100%, totally, completely my own fault. I spun into a panic at work, which, looking back on it…was that worth it? No. Nothing could have been done to solve the problem right in that moment, but I let it ruin my whole day. I got in my car and drove home, holding back tears for most of my 30 minute ride, came home, and exploded.

I tend to assume the worst and overreact in situations like this, which made me come to the conclusion that I was going to have to stop eating, or driving every day to work to save money so that I could financially support myself once my student loans kick in next month. I didn’t really know what to do or how to handle it, so I spent a few hours before writing this blog post to actually think about my monthly expenses realistically, now that I’ve settled into the single-apartment life.

I found a site called mint.com that helps with budgeting, and there’s even an app you can download! I hope that it will help me have a better understanding of the money I’m spending each month. You can set budgets, attach your credit cards so that you can get notifications for your bills, and even create a student loan payment plans. I’m still nervous, but feeling much better after crying, ice cream, and breathing.

I’ve also applied for a part-time Marketing Director position that I was told about, which is a great way to soften that little “cushion” of money I clearly need to re-build. I’m frustrated that I have to work past my 40-hour/week job to escape this panic, but I can’t be too upset. I have a job, a bed, a roof, a car, and food. Not everyone can say the same.